Where have we been?

We've been in the wilderness! To no ones surprise, cell service is lacking among the crocodiles so we haven't been able to blog, or let our families know we weren't dead. Update: we're not. But here's a quick summary of what happened:

It was hot, crocs everywhere, saw croczilla (14ft croc), pissed off a gator in the water, tented, camped, drank, ate, got completely robbed by vultures, went to Miami, attempted to rage , sort of failed, never drink LITs ever again, fought with promoter (see image and footnote below), hung out on neighbors balcony, eating breakfast. That's all!




Update: didn't meet half of lmfao as promised, tried to charge Dave $10 more than discussed. Fighting ensued, I got my way.

- Posted by the Keys Master.

Location:Collins Ave,Miami Beach,United States

#whitepeopleproblems

A raccoon stole my cigar.

Unrelated: an armadillo


- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:New Market Rd E,Immokalee,United States

New Mayor Alert

- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:Universal Blvd,Orlando,United States

Hi Level Lounge

Sorry for not posting much, folks. I've been busy driving - hope the Keysmaster has been entertaining you.

Speaking of Mz. Keys (code name alert), one of her RTR's* was to visit a "local watering hole," i.e., a bar in a tiny town, a.k.a. the High Level Lounge in Palatka, Florida, population 9,800, home of Georgia Pacific Power Plant, and the smell of pollution.

Anyway. We were looking on yelp for the perfect spot when Keysmaster stumbled upon this descriptive gem:



As huge homophobic, racist rednecks ourselves, we thought we'd fit right in. We were right. We walked in to a bar filled with five folks aged between 33 and 75, all of whom were COMPLETELY hammered. It was sad and sort of interesting. The drunkest was probably this bearded silver-haired fella with a cowboy hat on (which he called his crown) in his late 60s. As we walked in, he informed us "yaaaaw ttooo schlaaaate," which is alcoholic for "hi guys!" Over the next hour, these five folks experimented with many different couplings, including negotiations (none of which, thankfully, involving us) regarding lesbianing, threesoming, and rampant infidelity. Also, they repeatedly commented on my white teeth and informed Steph that Umass is not in New York, to her surprise.

All in all, it was a dark evening.

* road trip requests

- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:N Bay St,Eustis,United States

Chan.

- Posted by the Keys Master.

Location:Reid St,Palatka,United States

The Night Steve Jobs' Ghost Haunted Us

Tonight, we let the iPhone guide us in our driving. The plan was to chose a town halfway between savannah, ga and Orlando, fl and stop at a local watering hole for the night rather than driving into the wee hours. And so, we chose a town called Hilliard, fl, plugged it into the google maps and began driving.

Within minutes, we were driving on a pitch black road with not a single car in front or behind us. However-the iPhone said we were right. That's when we decided Steve jobs was pranking us. And then immense fog took over the road. That was obviously Steve jobs' ghost. After about 50 miles, we'd found civilization!! Lights! Buildings!! Then we approached. It was this:





And so, we continue on into the dark abysses. Now on Okeefenokee Parkways. We'll keep the knife that was a gift from the Gartenbergs close.

UPDATE: Hilliard, FL was due west about 45 mins of where we actually wanted to be. Thanks Dave.


- Posted by the Keys Master.

Location:U.S. 1,Hilliard,United States

Road Trip Google Searches-Volume 1

Dave and I have decided to start a recurring segment on our blog titled Road Trip Google Searches. Here we will chronicle the most obscene/hilarious/bizarre/ridiculous/typical things we find ourselves googling during the hours upon hours of driving. Enjoy volume 1!



- Posted by the Keys Master.

Location:Jackson,United States