New Guest Blogger

In the coming days and weeks, we'll be rolling out some guest bloggers. You've already met Asian Correspondent Tricia Honggr. Next up will be the famed Number 2 Meal Orange Soda Contributor, blogging about a certain dog with a ghost paw.

The Greatest Movie of All Time

Asian correspondent Honggr reporting live here for the first time!

This cinematic masterpiece is called TipToes (with a solid 29% on Rotten Tomatoes) and I can't believe I didn't know about it until now (thanks Daniel Tosh!). Here is the basic plot:

Matthew McConaughey knocks up Kate Beckinsale. His family happens to be all dwarves and he kind of has a problem with that. Sometimes. But anyway, he didn't tell Kate about his family's genetic situation until it was too late and she spends a good amount of time debating whether or not to keep this baby that may potentially be a dwarf.

Real quote from the movie: "So you had a circle jerk with a bunch of little people? I would love to see that!"

Spoiler alert, baby is a dwarf. McConaughey ends up dumping Miss Kate after she gives birth to his dwarf baby because it would be easier for her to raise this baby alone rather than having McConaughey around. Because McConaughey has a problem with dwarves, remember?

Then she falls in love with McConaughey's twin, who also happens to be a dwarf, and also happens to be Gary Oldman (you know, Sirius Black... Commissioner Gordon!). Right, because sometimes, a twin is 10 years older and more British-y than the other twin. It totally happens all the time. Oh, and Patricia Arquette is involved somehow.

Anyway, the movie is not a comedy.

Unrelated to anything...

This is cute.

DOMA Arrigato Mr. Obam-o

That is a horrible post headline! Meh.

The Obama administration just announced it will stop defending the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in court. Cool!

DOMA was one of those fairly odious pieces of law Bill Clinton supported during his reelection campaign in 1996. It defined marriage as a union between a male and female and denied the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriage. What?! Bill Clinton signed that you say? Yeah he did! People should stop thinking he was the man so much -- name one piece of legislation Obama has signed that is so obviously both morally wrong and a sell-out of his core constituency. (Note: this is an unfair question. Obama hasn't had to do this yet because he had unified Democratic control of both houses of Congress. But still!) Clinton had a bunch. Don't Ask Don't Tell. DOMA. Uhh...NAFTA to some people I guess but I like that one. The point is he compromised his values a lot for the sake of winning elections, and I don't think there's much of an argument you can make that Obama has or will do that.

Anyway, this is really good. It's one more step toward gay marriage, which is really one of the most no-brainer civil rights issues of our time. I generally credit whoever disagrees with me with having at least a legitimate argument. Pro-life? I disagree, but I can see why you would want to err on the side of protecting a life if you can't really determine when "life" begins. Tea Party? Bunch of nuts, generally, but concerns about spending and the deficit need to be taken seriously for our long-term stability. Etc. etc. But I really have never heard any kind of cogent, fact-based (not theological) argument against gay marriage. I've heard a lot! They're all ridiculous.

UPDATE: 8 gay rights victories since Obama took office.

What Americans Think of Inequality in One Graph

Blatant rip-off of Ezra Klein. I <3 that guy. I even ripped off his title! Can I be sued for that? Someone call a lawyer!

Gaddifisms

This Gaddafi guy is a legitimate supervillian. These are actual, real quotes from the speech he gave today. He sounds like Lex Luthor!

"Today, when you say Libya—yes, Libya, Qaddafi, Qaddafi, the revolution! All the African people now consider Libya the leader, even Asia—the world leaders, now—all of them, everyone, with their power, are against Libya…. They defame your image in, unfortunately, now, the Arab media, who are serving the devil. Now it’s the time to respond with action on the ground, in the square…. The revolution means always sacrifice until the end of the age.

 Muammar Qaddafi is the history, the resistance, freedom, honor, revolution…. When the bombs were bombing this area and killed my kids, where were you at the time, where were you people? Now they’re talking in the dark about me!… This is Muammar Qaddafi. This is the house of Muammar Qaddafi."

"PS I wear white togas embroidered with rhinestones to the funerals. BECAUSE I AM EVIL."

"I will die as a martyr"

This guy sucks. Here's what he had to say today, annotated:

"I am a fighter, a revolutionary from tents [that's why i don't know how to dress]... I will die as a martyr at the end." [that would be cool! let's make it happen]

"I have not yet ordered the use of force, not yet ordered one bullet to be fired [this is a lie]... when I do, everything will burn [that is scary]."

"You men and women who love Gaddafi [no one knows Qaddafi's name is spelled with a G or a Q. obviously Q's are cooler, so from now on I'll use the G spelling] ...get out of your homes and fill the streets. Leave your homes and attack them in their lairs [lairs always sounds insidious but i think he means "public squares and parks"]... Starting tomorrow the cordons will be lifted, go out and fight them."

Shouting in the rambling speech, Gaddafi declared himself "a warrior" and proclaimed: "Libya wants glory, Libya wants to be at the pinnacle, at the pinnacle of the world" [blah blah i love africa and wearing window drapes]

Seriously, this is exactly the worry for these protesters in the rest of the Middle East: most regimes are REALLY OPPRESSIVE AND MURDEROUS. I think the best hope now is that the military turns on him and, yes, kills his brains out. There's not much the U.S. can do. Diplomatic pressure won't mean monkey crap to this loser-dictator.

Also, Libya is the world's 3rd largest oil-producing nation. This could REALLY cause a disruption in the world's oil-flow and lead to massive gas price shocks. Watch out summer, gas could easily hit $5/gallon for a sustained period. Honestly, I think something like that could really hurt Obama. People HATE high gas prices, and there is very little he can do about it. Damn!