Final post

Requisite sad faces. Not sure why it looks like I have an earring in.

- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:Express Rd,Newark,United States

My police record

To add to my illustrious police record (poaching, trespassing on state lands), I was just detained by TSA agents in the Miami airport. Reason: throwing star in my carry on bag.

Yup.


Reason for that: Grace gave me awesome gifts from Japan, which I inadvertently traveled with - without actually investigating what was in the bag of souvenirs she gave me. One such souv was a throwing star.

Add "sneaking throwing star onto plane" to my list.


- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:Miad Cir,Miami,United States

Well the trips over!

Blogfail! We were too busy to blog. Also the Everglades does not have service. We are in Miami now (I'm about to eat a pulled pork omelette and will then die happy) and depart in a few hours to fly home. Here's a quick lowdown of some Notable Events:

1. Vultures ate all our food - comprising two coolers worth of grillable meat.


2. Steph relearned how to ride a bike.


3. We saw hundreds of gators and crocs.


4. We canoed for 9 miles through mangrove forests, culminating in a sighting of croczilla, a 14 foot long croc and our accidental collision w a gator (while in canoe).


5. We played a lot of games by headlamp and cooked dinner.


6. Took a sunset wildlife tour


7. Got sideswiped by a local in the Florida keys, followed by a 2.5 hour drive in a tow truck to Miami.


8. Drank Butterbeer


9. Ate Buckbeak


10. Made lots of fires.


- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:Collins Ave,Miami Beach,United States

Where have we been?

We've been in the wilderness! To no ones surprise, cell service is lacking among the crocodiles so we haven't been able to blog, or let our families know we weren't dead. Update: we're not. But here's a quick summary of what happened:

It was hot, crocs everywhere, saw croczilla (14ft croc), pissed off a gator in the water, tented, camped, drank, ate, got completely robbed by vultures, went to Miami, attempted to rage , sort of failed, never drink LITs ever again, fought with promoter (see image and footnote below), hung out on neighbors balcony, eating breakfast. That's all!




Update: didn't meet half of lmfao as promised, tried to charge Dave $10 more than discussed. Fighting ensued, I got my way.

- Posted by the Keys Master.

Location:Collins Ave,Miami Beach,United States

#whitepeopleproblems

A raccoon stole my cigar.

Unrelated: an armadillo


- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:New Market Rd E,Immokalee,United States

New Mayor Alert

- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:Universal Blvd,Orlando,United States

Hi Level Lounge

Sorry for not posting much, folks. I've been busy driving - hope the Keysmaster has been entertaining you.

Speaking of Mz. Keys (code name alert), one of her RTR's* was to visit a "local watering hole," i.e., a bar in a tiny town, a.k.a. the High Level Lounge in Palatka, Florida, population 9,800, home of Georgia Pacific Power Plant, and the smell of pollution.

Anyway. We were looking on yelp for the perfect spot when Keysmaster stumbled upon this descriptive gem:



As huge homophobic, racist rednecks ourselves, we thought we'd fit right in. We were right. We walked in to a bar filled with five folks aged between 33 and 75, all of whom were COMPLETELY hammered. It was sad and sort of interesting. The drunkest was probably this bearded silver-haired fella with a cowboy hat on (which he called his crown) in his late 60s. As we walked in, he informed us "yaaaaw ttooo schlaaaate," which is alcoholic for "hi guys!" Over the next hour, these five folks experimented with many different couplings, including negotiations (none of which, thankfully, involving us) regarding lesbianing, threesoming, and rampant infidelity. Also, they repeatedly commented on my white teeth and informed Steph that Umass is not in New York, to her surprise.

All in all, it was a dark evening.

* road trip requests

- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:N Bay St,Eustis,United States

Chan.

- Posted by the Keys Master.

Location:Reid St,Palatka,United States

The Night Steve Jobs' Ghost Haunted Us

Tonight, we let the iPhone guide us in our driving. The plan was to chose a town halfway between savannah, ga and Orlando, fl and stop at a local watering hole for the night rather than driving into the wee hours. And so, we chose a town called Hilliard, fl, plugged it into the google maps and began driving.

Within minutes, we were driving on a pitch black road with not a single car in front or behind us. However-the iPhone said we were right. That's when we decided Steve jobs was pranking us. And then immense fog took over the road. That was obviously Steve jobs' ghost. After about 50 miles, we'd found civilization!! Lights! Buildings!! Then we approached. It was this:





And so, we continue on into the dark abysses. Now on Okeefenokee Parkways. We'll keep the knife that was a gift from the Gartenbergs close.

UPDATE: Hilliard, FL was due west about 45 mins of where we actually wanted to be. Thanks Dave.


- Posted by the Keys Master.

Location:U.S. 1,Hilliard,United States

Road Trip Google Searches-Volume 1

Dave and I have decided to start a recurring segment on our blog titled Road Trip Google Searches. Here we will chronicle the most obscene/hilarious/bizarre/ridiculous/typical things we find ourselves googling during the hours upon hours of driving. Enjoy volume 1!



- Posted by the Keys Master.

Location:Jackson,United States

Leaving DC

Heading out of DC and driving as far as we can make it...goal: Savannah, GA. Likelihood: Not at all. Stayed at Palace de BroGart, ate at an ihop and saw some orangutans go at it in the zoo. Plus, an awesome but brief visit with Matt! Driving begins now...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Washington,United States

Symmetry

First road trip I took, we departed at about 9:30 after I took my last final of freshman year at rutgers and drove for the next 40 hours straight to get to Yellowstone. That was aggressive and stupid, but I was only 19, so it's acceptable.

I'm glad that at 29 I'm still capable of the same shenanganness. Although exhausted, still managed to stick to the road trip haminated itinerary and make it to Humphrey Brogart's apartment in fairfax, VA. That's about 250 miles and 4.5 hours of late night solo driving. Go me. Steph contributed nothing (except mirth and blog posts and music and navigation).


- Posted By Gartagnon

Location:Rocky Branch Rd,Vienna,United States

Quest 1: Finding Dans Apartment When We Arrive at 3am

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Better Late Than Never

We may be 4-6 hrs behind schedule, but we're en route! NJ doesn't smell bad AT ALL (that's a lie it reeks).




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Hightstown-Cranbury Station Rd,,United States

Today's The Day!

Today is the day we begin GART 2011: To The 'Glades. As such, we feel ready to share our itinerary in it's full glory with you. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll turn green with jealousy. ENJOY!!!

Don't forget to check back over the week with more updates, photos and hopefully no news of missing limbs.

**Don't forget to click the images for larger versions**

Ham-inated Itinerary.

This trip is what I call "serial killer style organized". YAY!

A slightly premature wave goodbye

One week until...

New Sleeping Bag Alert

CAN'T WAIT to camp in the Everglades in this HAM s-bag. Photos in use to follow.

Subtlety

me: can i tell you a secret

 Stephanie: duh

1:08 PM me: i think i'm going to force you to sleep on a beach without a tent after doing a big hike

 Stephanie: interesting

  since thats not a secret

  cuz you asked me if i would

  and i said yes

1:09 PM and you responded "youre the hammest chic i know"

 me: i know

  the whole "secret" thing was a fraud just so i could talk about it again

1:10 PM Stephanie: hahahahaha

For Lapsed Obama-fans

Sorry road trip readers, I'm reverting to politics for a quick 'mo. Just read this story about a mom whose family was hit hard by the recession, lost her health insurance, and then got diagnosed with cancer. It's sad and powerful. [from Kevin Drum]

Money quote:

Fortunately for me, I've been saved by the federal government's Pre-existing Condition Insurance Plan, something I had never heard of before needing it. It's part of President Obama's healthcare plan, one of the things that has already kicked in, and it guarantees access to insurance for U.S. citizens with preexisting conditions who have been uninsured for at least six months.

....Which brings me to my apology. I was pretty mad at Obama before I learned about this new insurance plan. I had changed my registration from Democrat to Independent, and I had blacked out the top of the "h" on my Obama bumper sticker, so that it read, "Got nope" instead of "got hope." I felt like he had let down the struggling middle class. My son and I had campaigned for him, but since he took office, we felt he had let us down.

So this is my public apology. I'm sorry I didn't do enough of my own research to find out what promises the president has made good on. I'm sorry I didn't realize that he really has stood up for me and my family, and for so many others like us. I'm getting a new bumper sticker to cover the one that says "Got nope." It will say "ObamaCares."

Creepy Ways to Prepare For a Trip

Dave: yesterday i turned off all the lights in my apt and put my headlamp on and made myself a cocktail

Dave: this happened

Dave: this literally happened.

Road Trip to the Everglades Itinerary

Blog's back! New and improved (i.e., less political yammering, more stupid travel banter).

Situation: Stephanie and I take our second road trip together.  A lot has changed since our last trip - for example, it is now the year 2011, whereas before, it was the year 2009.  Also, Stephanie has now become a seasoned road trip/hiking pro (except for the fact that she still doesn't know how to drive...ugh).  Uh...that's all that's changed basically. Anyway, we leave on Friday, December 16, which is soon. How does this make us feel?

Exactly.

Here are the highlights:

1) Washington DC - tour of the Capital, Natural History Museum, National Zoo
2) Drive to Savannah, eat fatty bbq food
3) See a ghost in Savannah
4) Drive to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, buy wands
5) Highlands Hammock State Park - it's cool. Camp.
6) Airboat Swamp Tour - See gators, then eat gators
7) Everglades - massive hikes and canoe rides through croc-infested waters, avoid being eaten, maybe sacrifice Steph to save self flee gators successfully
8) Drive through Florida Keys
9) Go H.A.M. in Miami, avoid being serial murdered

Israel Wise Thought of the Day

From David Remnick, who is always wise and almost always right:

"A unilateral attack from Israel . . . would be a grave mistake for all the reasons made plain by Meir Dagan and so many others. It is terrible enough to imagine what might happen if Iran came to possess a bomb; but an attack now would almost certainly lead to a tide of blood in the region. The Middle East today is in a state of fragile possibility, full of peril, to be sure, but also pregnant with promise. A premature unilateral attack could upend everything and one result of many would be an Israel under fire, under attack, and more deeply isolated than ever before."

Thought of the Day

Important thought of the day, from Brad DeLong:


"The United States economy is, right now, in significantly better shape than the Japanese economy, the British economy, or the European economy. To do best of four major industrial powers in dealing with the Lesser Depression is a significant accomplishment, even though things are much much worse than I would wish--and even though I think Obama's buying of a premature turn to long-run budget balance and of a policy of appeasing the banks at all hazards lest he provoke a full-scale capital strike were bad mistakes."

Morning thoughts

Obama has killed a LOT of big terrorists. He's really good at it.  He's killed 5/6 of my least favorite terrorists.  He just needs to get that doctor who has an indented forehead from praying too much.  Seriously. It's like a bullseye.

Combination of everything I love in the world

You should write your congressman about the debt ceiling

Y'all should call/write your congressmen/women about this whole debt ceiling impasse.  It doesn't really matter what you say - stress you want compromise and you want it raised. Calling Democrats isn't that useful, they're all already on board - find some nice republicans and bother them.  DEMOCRACY. 

Here's what I wrote:

"This is getting outrageous.  I'm a corporate attorney who has had the luck to survive the horrendous economy of the past 3 years relatively unscathed.  You, your boss (the Speaker) and I all know that allowing this debt ceiling charade to continue will plunge us back into a recession - everyone with an elementary knowledge of finance knows this. Please have the Speaker stop attacking the President's good faith efforts to get to a resolution to this made-up issue immediately.  Raise the debt ceiling now. I support a balanced deficit reduction plan (and by "balanced" i mean with major spending cuts and minor tax increases, but you need the tax increases to bring the Democrats along - it's called compromise). But more importantly, I just support raising the debt ceiling now, as it has been 30 times in the past 30 years.

You're about to lose my financial support for your party if you can't get your caucus to the right side on this."

See what I did at the end there?

A new GartMedia Production

An old GartMedia Production

This one has been in pre-production for almost a year. Time to share it with the public. Lots of exposition in the beginning but things really pick up about 3 minutes in.

Indulge me

Back to politics for just a quick mo but this is a fantastic distillation of how politics works when you are not crazy (i.e., certain members of the GOP)

GartMedia Production

Not my best work, but still ok given the turn-around time.

The End

Sniffle. Trip OVER. I'm blogging from my plane back to NYC/real life. I'm bummed and hereby refuse to say anything funny in this post out of protest. This is how I feel:


I will post a few good final pictographs though:


Those are our shadows. Lily is making a C and I am making a T - but we really don't know why we chose those letters.


This picture supposedly captures how dirty I was, but I don't really look that bad. Basically, it was impossible for any more dirt to fit on our bodies.


Right before our last hike.


Bryce Canyon hike.


We clean up nicely, if I do say so myself. This is our first time showering in like 5 days. Lily is such a debutante.


View from our hotel in Vegas. Lily's awesome brother-in-law got us a baller suite. No big deal.


Lydia's dance moves.


We spent our last morning at the pool. It was cleaner than the Colorado River by a bit.

Well, I suppose that is all for now. Gartmedia Productions are in the pre-production phase, but I'm sure a trailer will be posted here soon.

Total miles: 3,200
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Airport Sht Term Park,Las Vegas,United States

Fitness

You may think that after all this hiking and nature and exercise, I would be getting in pretty good shape.

You'd be pretty wrong. This is what I look like after climbing a small mountain (more like a hill):


I hate you, lily, for taking this picture.

Miles: 2,900
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:E Center St,Cedar City,United States