Ah yonta tambo

That's the name of a tiny Incan town we stayed in. Population 2,000. We did some great hikes here, including climbing most of that mountain behind me.


There were also wild sheep running around like woah.

Mate [accent mark]

Mate, pronounced mah-tay, is a south American tea. In Peru, it comes with cocoa leaves on top, which I suppose would make me fail a drug test much like Elaine with her poppy seed bagels.


It also helps with altitude sickness, of which I have a bad case of. Damn! I ended that sentence in a preposition. What an idiot!

This is AMERICA!

So we've had a long running debate about whether it's right for me to refer to myself as American. Chris and Andy say I can't because all of north and south american people are "Americans." I say I can, and fill in the nationality on my customs forms as American.

So since then I've been coming up with arguments for why its ok for me to say I'm American. For example, the excellent and liberalish radio program This American Life is about the USA, not north and south america. This has led to some comical conversations. For example:

Dave: what about Coming To America.
Chris: Whoopi Goldberg was good in that.
Andy: No Eddie Murphy was in that movie.
Dave: You just confused Whoopi Goldberg and Eddie Murphy!!!!
All: bwahahahaha

Location:Teatro,Cuzco,Peru

Have you ever eaten...

A guinea pig? Me neither! Oh wait, I just ate one.



It tasted pretty much how you would expect.

Location:Teatro,Cuzco,Peru

Photo Dump

A photo dump is where you just post a lot of pics at once without any central unifying theme. It's a blogging thing.


This is a choripon. It is sausage. I have 8 a day.


These are the names of some Jews killed in a huge terrorist attack here in the early 90s. Eerie! Who knew there were Jews named Fabian?!


These are just flowers with a little nature boy statue.


The Bitchmobile


Danielle came. My first picture of her she was chasing a feral cat. Typical Petrilli! She left yesterday.


Tango dancers.


Danielle being an un-PC Muslim person.


This was a paddle boat we too. It was either a) broken b) we were bad at steering or c) Americans are too fat for paddle boats here. Regardless, we were horrible at driving it and when we crashed on land, I jumped out and abandoned ship. Then I was able to take some nice pics. I never did get on that paddle boat again!

Now I'm in Peru at elevations of over 10,000 feet. We all have mild altitude sickness. I slept for 12 hours last night, which is very unlike me.

Location:Teatro,Cuzco,Peru

More proof of South American toilet habits

Location:Teatro,Cuzco,Peru

The Gang!

This is a Nice Picture [(c) Petra Telak]

Estancia Part Uno

Estancia. It's Spanish for "farm." Fluent Spanish Speaker Christopher Capuzzi, Esq.: "It's particular to Argentina." I'm not sure exactly what it is, but basically, an estancia is a farm with horses and meat and barbeque to eat. We went to one for an overnight trip and rode lots of horses. Here's the thing with horses:

1) They're awesome. They're big and powerful! It's like riding a car that is alive and could kill you at any moment.
2) Riding horses in Argentina is different than in America. In America, they have "laws" and "tort liability" such that the guides will ensure you are as safe as possible. In Argentina, not so much. So although we were all rank beginners, we did legit horse activities, like walking, trotting, cantoring, and galloping. Galloping is the best because it's fast and actually easier to ride. Cantoring is the worst because it involves the horse basically just quickly bouncing your body. It transforms from a graceful creature to basically a fast-moving jackhammer that bounces your back at high speed. That brings me to 3).
3) Horse riding can hurt your back. And it hurt all of ours! Especially mine.

Here are a few picturinos:

 This is the cabin that we lived in. It had two bathrooms! Still couldn't flush toilet paper though.

 This is me wearing too much clothes. Santiago, our guide and general mean person, told me I looked like I was dressed for the Artic.

 Chris looking happy and equestrian, about to jump on the horse!

 Danielle looking happy and apprehensive, because her horse was feisty!

 Andy, after dismounting from the horse, in pain.

The gang, minus myself, plus one horse.

 Andy looking tall, dark, and handsome.

I took this picture from behind, so it was kind of crooked, but I think it looks cool.

And here is a video of me on the horse, before hurting my back:

Who blogs anymore!

Apparently not I. Lots has happened in the world! Danielle arrived. I went to the zoo. We went to a jazz club. Now we are at an estancia!

Let's look at some pictographs.


That's chris. He's put on some weight from eating too much dulce de leche and choripan (chocolate cream and sausage).




That's Andy dancing on a boat.

I need to put more pics on my iPhone, that's pretty much all I gots.

Scare "Quotes"

There are very few things that I "hate" in life. Parking garages. Poachers. Carrot "cake."

Add one more to the list: "scare quotes."

Scare quotes are when you put quotation marks around a "word" to make it sound sarcastic or untrue. For example: The Obama administration's fiscal "stimulus" failed because it did not provide sufficient "demand." That makes it look like the stimulus was not a stimulus and demand is a fiction. It's "dumb" and sloppy!

The "Wall Street" Journal editorial page uses scare quotes constantly. I "hate" them.

That's all.

I'm still here!

I noticed that I haven't really posted any pictures of MYSELF on this blog. That's what you are all here for right?! Here's what I look like: 

Wow, what a nice smile!

Also, I found this funny. No wolves allowed! (I know it's just dogs, but that dog looks lupine to me)

Wow what a vibrantly red bird. Wildlife!

BA updates, allusions, and inside jokes in the form of sentence fragments/free verse poetry. Feel free to hum the melody of We Didn't Start the Fire as you read:

Meat, cheese, wine
Every meal.
Cultural relativism
China rising
Discuss.
Rum and clubs
Weltschmerz and schadenfreude
Offensive clapping.
El modelo disappeared
Offensive Americans.

Jesus Christ is the man

Kitesurfing

So I was really in the mood to try something new in BA. I could learn Spanish, but Chris and Andy already have that down pat. Instead, I decided to take up kitesurfing!

This is me catching a great wave outside of the fishing village of Tigre in the Delta region of the Rio de Plata. It's pretty great -- I wasn't able to get any good pics of me and the kite in the air bc the camera we were using had a zoom that was TOO powerful, but I think I'm a natural at it. I've kitesurfed three days in a row now!

...

[this post is a complete fabrication!]

Guess what comes out really soon

Just sayin'. Who's up for a Gart Birthday/Harry Potter Dress Up Midnight Viewing Party?

A post about poop

did you know that you can't flush toilet paper here

Morgan: EWWWWWW

me: you need to put it in this little poop trash next to the toilet

Morgan: EWEWeWEwejhkwehrkwetrqew

even in the apartment?

me: especially in the apartment

 Sent at 3:28 PM on Friday

Morgan: that is so effing nasty

get out of there

me: haha

you get used to it

i've only pooped twice since i got here bc of it

Morgan: COME ON

me: i should blog about that

Goings On

So it's really hard to update this blog here. I barely get internet anywhere, and the places I do have very slow connections. Cambodia had better internet than this dump!

Just kidding, I like BA a lot.

Things I've learned/that have occurred:

1) BA stands for Buenos Aires. (I knew this ahead of time, but I just wanted to make sure everyone understood what I was talking about in paragraph 2)

2) I really need to learn Spanish. I have had a LOT of trouble communicating. Yesterday I tried to order a small ice cream in a cup and got a large in a cone! It was near-tragedy, but I was somehow able to suck it up and eat the ice cream anyway. It was really good. The best ice cream flavor in BA is called dolce de something latte or shit I don't know I need to learn Spanish.

3) Girls like Americans here. At least the one model I met did, but it's unclear whether she was a model or some kind of predator. The other issue is that most of the girls don't actually speak English (see above), so although some girls may like Americans, most can't understand us.

4) Things are mostly cheap here. I have things like giant-steak or blood sausage for about 10 bucks fairly often. NOTE! I'm not a pescetarian on this trip but I will be when I return so get ready.

5) Did you know there was this disgusting terrorist attack against Jews here in 1994? And now there is police surveillance of all the synagogues here to prevent another attack. I tried to take a picture of one of the syns and the police made me delete it!

6) People generally like my fedora. I wore it one night and this guy came up and told me I liked it and asked where I got it. I said Puerto Rico, which was true. However, I think the guy thought I was saying I was from Puerto Rico and kept re-asking where I got the hat, in increasingly frustrated tones. We had a communication issue.

Morgan Clark

is obsessed with being mentioned in this blog bc she is a media whore and knows that the best way to fame and glory is to have a mention in the GART/SEAB blog, even though that name is really outdated at this point.

This is what I look like in South America

Mostly the same. Got a big Jew curl going on there. Look like a Jewish Elvis. You aint nothin but a kosher hound dog!

...Sorry about that. I've been traveling for a while. Or maybe my sense of humor is warped by being in the southern hemisphere.

I'd post a pic of BA but so far it just looks like highways.

Karate kid

I'm watching it. Not bad. Jaden smith has a lot of will smith characteristics now. Which leads me to my pitch: Young Fresh Prince of Philly! The adventures of will as a boy! Starring J-dawg. It would be cool.

Initial impression of south america

They speak less English here than they do in Cambodia. Shit.



Also there are huge mountains in Peru.

There was just a cockroach in my cocktail

That's not some kind of witticisms/wordplay. It really happened. Damn you JFK International Airport!!!

Honestly, it wasn't that bad. I didn't drink the cockroach or anything, and now I get to drink for free for the next 2 hours. Yes, I still have over 2 hours until I depart. I get to the airport really early for international flights.

Also, I am sitting in the same bar in which I waited for my Israel flight 2 years ago. Nostalgia! We sat right here

Location:Van Wyck Expy,,United States

Boom

Blog's back.